Monday, October 19, 2009
Pedal to the metal.. TREE!!!
Pedal to the metal..TREE!!?!
Shimmering sunshine yellow, blinding chrome interior, crisp leather seating, it is magnificent.
"Dad, can I have it! Can I? Can I? Can I?!"
"Brid, wait until your fourteenth birthday and maybe we will see about the dirtbike. If you keep asking it will be a no."
"Fine ..(gruuunnnntt)..I guess I will just have to wait.."
I am now fourteen years old and just got my first ever dirt bike. I am ecstatic that finally I got the one thing that I’ve wanted for two years now. It’s an amazing sight. It’s fairly old, like 1980’s old. It’s a Honda 90 and I love it!
“Dad can I take it for a ride now!! Please please please!!!!”
“Not right now Brid, it’s getting dark out and you don’t know how to drive it properly yet. Tomorrow morning we will get up bright and early and I will teach you how to drive it.”
“Okay Dad.”
Of course I didn’t mean okay. I am fourteen, up for adventure and love to be defiant towards the parents. It wasn’t even late, it was seven o’clock. But I guess in motorcycle time it is late for a youngster like me to be driving the camp roads. “Should I do this.. I mean, I don’t really know how to drive it yet.. buuuutt.. how hard could it be?” If an old man like my dad could drive it with ease then why couldn’t a young free spirit like me do it?
Dad walks over to the neighbor’s camp which is five doors down from ours, the perfect opportunity to take the bike. My leg goes over the bike and I strap on my brand new pink and black helmet..turn the key..the big white light on the front turns on..I rev the engine..the adrenaline pumps throughout my entire body..1st gear, 2nd gear, 3rd gear.. TREE!!
I made it about 100 meters down the road then began to swerve. I’d like to use the excuse that the it was the tree’s fault, but seen as how I learnt about ten years ago that tree’s don’t walk and get in people’s way, I guess that wouldn’t work too well.
***********************************************************************************
Blink..blink..blink..why is there *stars* all around me? Am I in heaven?.. “No Brid.. but you are in a lot of trouble”
Great.. I want to be adventurous and now I am grounded for a month..way to go Brid.. way.. to.. GO!
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I enjoyed this posting for the view into the thought process of a rebel, well done! The focus of your blog is the experience in defiance, and may be more poignant if you tried starting it with the dialogue with your dad. The vital info is in the story after that point as well, so the climax of your post might not get lost in the reporting of the bike details. You could use those however, in describing how the dream bike taunted you, calling you for a forbidden ride. I also liked the "1,2,3,tree" line, and it may be a good last sentence. One way to accomodate this would be to put the ending in the beginning: such as a initial vision of the bike but only in colours, chrome and twisted metal, explained by the last word "tree". Wonderful efforts, you make me feel young again! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I think you meant "metal" in your title.
Hello Yuk-Sem! Thank you for the helpful posting. I changed a few things and was just wondering if it sounded any better. Let me know.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a very cute story. You captured the memory very well and told it as if the reader was experiencing it along with you. It was a good "slice of life" that you decided to share with us; the rebelious and youthfulness of being fourteen. This story brought me back to the times when I got into trouble as well. My favorite part was when you were debating with yourself if you should go on the bike or not. Curiosity always wins out in the end for me too. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe over-excited dialogue at the beginning is such typical twelve year-old behavior. In explaining how badly you want the bike, I can relate to times when I was so overzealous that no rules or principles could stop me from pursuing that burning desire. I too was a frequent rule-breaker. I like how you took no more than like ten seconds of contemplation before acting on your impulse. Also at the end when you say "way..to.. GO!" it sounds like when you rev the engine for the first time.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I can recommend is, after the first dialogue when there is a two year time shift, you could just take one or two sentences to briefly describe, or make a joke about, NOT having a dirtbike for those two years. I know it's pretty minor, but I figure since you're good at incorporating humour you could work something in. Solid blog
From the introductory dialogue, I thought you were talking about a car. I love that it was about a bike instead. The idea that dirt biking is often associated with males contrasted with your pink and black helmet was a great subtle comparison. And you’re natural 14 year old defiance was well played on. Maybe describe more of how excited you were when you got on it. Maybe more of a struggle between not doing as you were told verses really wanting to ride your bike. I appreciate the unconventional sports that women take part it. I liked this one Bridney.
ReplyDeleteI think that this piece captures the moment very well. It was short and quick to the point... just like any decision we make when defying our parents. We don't sit there for hours deciding whether or not we should do something, we take the few minutes we have (away from whoever is in authority) to come to a decision. You marked your defiance very well. If we choose the temptation route, we are going to hit a tree. The result,... we get grounded or in other words, halted!
ReplyDeleteYour post was action packed. There was no time for me to decide that anything was wrong with the writing. I would have to read and re-read the piece several times to find a flaw, which tells me that I would only be looking for something because I am supposed too. There was only time to enjoy as I read.
Thank you for, yet another great post.
thank you for sharing this story.